The Lord of the Dorks
by michirusama
Summary: Insane parody of William Golding's The Lord of the Flies


CCC proudly presents...  
  
THE LORD OF THE DORKS  
  
The cast:  
  
Ralph  
  
Piggy/The Tree/The Conch Shell  
  
The Wild Pig/The Diamond/The Leaf/The Giant Bunny/Coal/The Diamond Tree  
  
Simon/The Blueberry  
  
The Officer/The Beast/The Dead Pilot  
  
Samneric  
  
Roger  
  
Jack  
  
Once upon a time, a plane crashed into an island. It all ended with pink bunnies taking over the world.  
  
Roger emerges first, being completely out of line.  
  
Roger: *goes after blood* Me, the evil one.  
  
Meanwhile, Jack and Ralph sit down together for a lengthy conversation about their roles upon the island.  
  
Ralph: I only almost die?  
  
Jack: Yes.  
  
Ralph: Hmmm... do I kill anyone?  
  
Jack: No, but the entire island is set ablaze in order for you to die.  
  
Roger pops in.  
  
Roger: Yeah, I really want you dead apparently  
  
Ralph: For me to die?  
  
Jack: Yes.  
  
Ralph: I feel powerful.  
  
Roger: I WANT YOU ALL DEAD *goes around spearing people*  
  
Jack: But the officer comes along dorkishly, and saves everyone.  
  
Roger: Yeah, wtf, officer, you ruined my plan!  
  
Piggy randomly drops from the sky.  
  
Piggy: Except me -sob-  
  
Ralph: Awww  
  
The Officer: Get bent, Pigboy.  
  
Ralph: That makes things boring  
  
Piggy: omg... I'm a GIRL  
  
Jack: Everyone is a BOY  
  
Anyway...  
  
Jack: Piggy tells Ralph about the conch shell... and Ralph blows into it and everyone on the island assembles. Quite dramatic.  
  
Piggy: Then I die. omg thats my new favourite part.  
  
Jack: DORK! You're asthmatic... and you wear glasses... and you're dorkishly overweight.  
  
Piggy: Nah.  
  
Jack: You completely depend on society.  
  
Piggy: REALLY? That sounds nothing like me. I want a new character.  
  
Jack: omgomg too bad.  
  
Piggy: Can I be the tree?  
  
Jack: What tree *whack*  
  
Piggy: THE tree  
  
Jack: You can be the FLIES  
  
Piggy: Nooooo... I wanna be the tree. Or the conch shell.  
  
The leaf randomly drops in.  
  
The Leaf: I'll be a leaf on the tree^^  
  
Piggy: Can i be the conch shell? And Piggy? I'll be both.  
  
Roger: You explode at the end then.  
  
Piggy: i can be all three!  
  
The Leaf: I'M A LEAF! NO ONE CAN STOP ME!  
  
Piggy: I'M THE TREE, AND THE CONCH SHELL, AND PIGGY!  
  
Jack: YOU'RE A WILD PIG, LEAF  
  
The Leaf: LIAR. *smacks pig* *bees leaf*  
  
Jack: The killing of the pig represents sex *coughs insanely* It's all very symbolic.  
  
Piggy/The Conch Shell/The Tree: what is my symbolism? I'm the tree. And the conch shell.  
  
Jack: omg the conch shell represents democracy. And order. Because you bring people together.  
  
The Leaf: And I'm a leaf  
  
Piggy/The Conch Shell/The Tree: Go me. And the tree?  
  
The Leaf: omg what does the leaf represent?????  
  
Jack: NOTHING. The tree and leaf aren't CHARACTERS.  
  
Piggy/The Conch Shell/The Tree: :( I think it represents the world.  
  
Jack: The island represents the world. It's a microcosm.  
  
A random person walks by.  
  
Random Person: omg can i be the leaf?  
  
Jack: No.  
  
The Tree/The Conch Shell: I AM THE TREE AND THE CONCH SHELL.  
  
Jack: Then WHO would be PIGGY? PIGGY is important... After Ralph. And Jack.  
  
Piggy/The Tree/The Conch Shell: I can be Piggy too. I'm multi-talented. I can do all three parts.  
  
Jack: Okay.  
  
The Leaf: *flutters leafishly* I'm SO FREAKING IMPORTANT.  
  
The Tree: *sways treeishly* omg Leaf, I'm the tree and I decided that your leaf shall fall off................. NOW. FALL LEAF FALL.  
  
The Leaf: AHHHH *clings*  
  
The Tree: *shakes branches* FALL  
  
The Leaf: *shrieks and clings*  
  
The Tree: FAAAAAALL  
  
Roger: *randomly kills people*  
  
The Leaf: NOOOO  
  
Jack: NONE OF THIS HAPPENED IN THE STORY.  
  
The Leaf: *panics hysterically*  
  
The Tree: *breaks off whole branch*  
  
Roger: *kills pig boy first*  
  
The Leaf: *continues clinging to the fallen branch*  
  
Jack: Roger only really kills one person.  
  
The Tree: The branch fell on top of you.  
  
Roger: Too bad.  
  
Jack: Everyone collectively kills Simon  
  
Roger: I'm killing people NOW  
  
Jack: YOU shall listen to me for I am JACK. I represent ANARCHY and DICTATORSHIP *dictates*  
  
The Tree: BUT I AM THE WORLD AS A TREE *sways*  
  
Jack: You are not the world.  
  
The Leaf: I represent the underlying meaning of the subtle flavor of buttery lemon drops.  
  
Jack: You don't.  
  
The Tree: Buttery lemon drops?  
  
The Leaf: I DO  
  
Jack: You represent LIFE as the pig  
  
The Conch Shell: I represent all that is cute. As the conch shell.  
  
The Leaf: I AM A LEAF  
  
Jack: NON  
  
The Tree: Who got killed by my branch  
  
The Leaf: OUI  
  
Jack: And you represent a REWARD as meat. And MONEY. And WANTED stuff.  
  
The Leaf: *screams* I AM A LEAF. I AM THE MOST IMPORTANT CHARACTER. FOR I AM A LEAF.  
  
Jack: YOU ARE NOT.  
  
The Leaf: I AM  
  
Jack: The characters of LotD are revolting. Poor me.  
  
The Tree: YOU ARE NOT AS IMPORTANT AS ME, LEAF. DON'T TRY TO FOOL THE REST. THEY KNOW THE IMPORTANCE OF ME.  
  
The Leaf: HI I'M A LEAF  
  
Random Person: *decides she's the island*  
  
Piggy: I AM PIGGY. I TOLD YOU I CAN DO IT AND I WILL.  
  
The Leaf: Baaah island. I'm leaving. *blows off in a breeze*  
  
Piggy: Gosh, Jack, are you trying to tell me something? Are you saying I'm not worthy? DON'T YOU LOVE ME?  
  
Jack: You're not putting in your WORK as Piggy. You've dedicated everything to the TREE.  
  
The Leaf: I LEFT the island.  
  
Piggy: I think we should all get along... BLOW THE CONCH SHELL.... how's that?  
  
Jack: Yes good.  
  
Piggy: *beams*  
  
Roger: I would be jesus if I was simon. *sobs* I want to be Simon.  
  
The Leaf: *leafs leafishly*  
  
Jack: And ramble about how we should keep the fire going  
  
Some other random person: Can i be an APPLE?  
  
Roger: Then I could be jesus yes  
  
Ralph: I think blah blah democracy blah blah blah. How's that?  
  
Another random person: -eats leaves-  
  
The Leaf: Bah. YOU ATE MY RELATIVES!  
  
Roger: *kills people*  
  
Piggy: We have to keep the fire going because its WARM and LIGHTFUL and we NEED IT just like we all need to get ALONG  
  
Jack: Yes you play your parts so well  
  
Piggy: *beams*  
  
The Tree: YOU ATE MY..CHILDREN!  
  
Jack: No... fire is the way to get off the island  
  
Piggy: Oh  
  
Jack: Because it's a signal  
  
Another random person: -flies and chases the leaf-  
  
Ralph: Well blah blah democracy blah blah blah BLAH!  
  
Piggy: I mean, we have to keep the fire burning so we can signal the airoplanes!  
  
Jack: Yes  
  
The Leaf: *lands in ocean* *sinks*  
  
Piggy: What else am i supposed to ramble about? Democracy?  
  
Another random person: -swims after leaf-  
  
The Leaf: *sinks to bottom*  
  
Jack: omg while you're in the air, random person, and the sea you shall be the beast. Because the beast lives inside us all  
  
The Leaf: *gets buried* *gets compressed* *turns into coal* OMG I'M COAL  
  
The Tree: omg my daughter is coal?  
  
The Conch Shell: Blow the conch shelllllllll  
  
Another Random Person: -eats the coal-  
  
The Conch Shell: BLOW ITTTTTTTTTTT  
  
Piggy: LETS ALL GET ALONG  
  
The Conch Shell: blow the conch shelllllllll  
  
Ralph: Democracy *nods*  
  
Jack: omg shut up Fatty. I am Jack  
  
The Tree: I AM SWAYING GRACEFULLY. I AM HITTING JACK FOR INSULTING MY ALTER-EGO  
  
Jack: Oh yeah Ralph and Piggy get along.  
  
Jack: Ralph and Jack don't get along.  
  
Piggy: HI RALPH  
  
Jack: Jack and Roger get along  
  
Piggy: LETS GET ALONG  
  
Roger: *kills randomly*  
  
Jack: Jack and Simon don't get along  
  
Ralph: HI PIGGY! OKAY!  
  
Roger: KILL KILL KILL  
  
The Leaf/Coal: Feel the power...of LEAVES and COAL  
  
Roger: BLOOOOD MMMMM  
  
Jack: And Simon is the only one who knows the random persons true identity  
  
Piggy: HI RALPH HI RALPH  
  
Jack: Which is a dead pilot. On a hill.  
  
Piggy: LETS GO FIND THE CONCH SHELL RALPH  
  
Raloh: Well, I say blah blah blah about democracy!  
  
The Conch Shell: find meeee... blow on the conch shelllllll  
  
The Tree: I have leaves  
  
Jack: But before Simon can say anything everyone collectively kills him  
  
Ralph: *kills Simon*  
  
Simon: Thanks.  
  
Piggy: *kills Simon*  
  
Simon: -sobs-  
  
Roger: *kills everyone* Die  
  
The Tree: *drops branches on simon's head*  
  
Simon: -haunts-  
  
Ralph: DEMOCRACY wanted it that way!!  
  
There's a lot more to the story... I'll finish it soon. -Kayak 


End file.
